How Many Toys Does One Dog Need? (Asking for a Friend) 🐾

There’s a chest in the living room, over a dozen half-buried plushies in the backyard, something that used to squeak under the TV stand, and a tug rope that’s now just… rope fibers. And yet, somehow, every time I come home with a new toy, they act like it’s the first gift they’ve ever received.

So, how many toys does one dog need? (Asking for a friend, obviously.)

If you’ve ever stepped on a squeaky donut at 2 a.m. or found a half-chewed tennis ball tucked lovingly into your boot, you already know: dog toys are everywhere. And they multiply. Mysteriously. Quietly. Until one day, you’re tripping over an octopus with no legs and wondering why you’re emotionally attached to a shredded raccoon that’s been dead inside since 2019.

Some toys were well thought-out. Enrichment puzzles, teething chews, tug toys—“this one’s good for their brain,” I told myself. Others were impulse buys. Clearance-bin creatures with crooked eyes and weirdly human hands that I couldn’t not bring home. And of course, there are the beloved few that they keep choosing, again and again, no matter how destroyed they get.

We hold onto them too. Not because we think they’ll be fixed, but because they hold memories. That one was the first toy she played with when she came home. This one used to be his favorite before he slowed down. The chewed-up rubber ring? He carried it around like a crown for weeks.

But if you think that’s a lot… let me take you outside.